The "Wispys" ~ True Stories

So check this out; I’m just now getting back from the glorious city of Juno, Maine where I attended the 26th Annual "Wispy Mustache Awards" -- AKA "The 2008 Wispys" -- hosted by gay teen heartthrob Orlando Bloom.

As an avid mustache fan, I gotta say the ceremony did not disappoint. Shit was incredible this year. There were so many spectacular moments -- where do I begin?

Well, the first award they gave was the "Wispy Athlete Award", given to the professional athlete with the best awesome mustache. There to present this year's Wispy was NFL quarterback and last year's winner Charlie Frye.

Now back when he won the award, Charlie was the starting QB for the Cleveland Browns (my squad) … but then he got traded to Seattle where he is now a backup. Anyway, I got a chance to talk to Charlie; when I asked him how he felt having to leave Northeast Ohio, he just looked away, sighed and said: "Damn dawg, I miss Lake Erie."

I feel you, Charlie.

In a total landslide victory, NBA Basketball player Adam Morrison claimed the 2008 award.

Look at him ... God he was so happy.

Later in the evening, The "Wispiest City in America" Award went to -- SURPRISE -- Garfield Heights, Ohio. I know -- they win it every GD year. There to accept the award was "White" Dave McMullin and his older brother Charlie. I began to notice a trend where white dudes named Charlie and wispy stashes seemed to go hand-in-hand. I made a note of it.

Speaking of Charlie’s, this year marked a significant event: a lifetime achievement award for Full Wispiness. The award was given posthumously to the late, great Charles Bronson. Man he was awesome in The Mechanic.