Q & A with Bob Golic

We all know that Bob Golic played the lovable (and sometimes abrasive) resident adviser on the hit series Saved By The Bell: The College Years. But did you know he also played professional football?? In the NFL? It's true! And here I thought I was watching yet another of Lee Strasberg's proteges at work (the other being Mario Lopez, obviously). But nope, he's just a former pro ballplayer who happens to be a terrific actor and comedian.

Anyway, "True Stories" caught up with the former ballplayer/actor and picked his brain about starring opposite teen heartthrob Mark Paul Gosselaar, how he got into pro football, and what it was like to punch Dustin Diamond repeatedly.

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Ray: Hey Bob, great to have you.

Bob: Thanks, I'm a huge fan.

Ray: Thanks, I appreciate that.

Bob: No really, man, True Stories is probably my favorite blog of all time.

Ray: Cool, thanks.

Bob: No, I'm really serious. Your blog is awesome.

Ray: Okay.

Bob: I mean, like that one time, how you talked about faking a deep voice, oh man, and the time you were talking to Joe Pesci, who's like the coolest actor ever, and those shoe tips? Oh man, Rudolfo Struffansky's shoe tips are great, I actually just got a new pair of loafers and ...

Ray: Shut the fuck up, Bob.

Bob: Sorry.

Ray: It's cool.

Bob: I don't get interviewed a lot.

Ray: Right.

Bob: I'm happy to be here, though.

Ray: So tell me ... what was it like sharing the screen with one of America's great Modern characters, "Zack Morris"?

Bob: Oh, man, Zack was such a rascal, he was always, like, doing stuff, and then he'd come up with all these crazy schemes and stuff, and he would always trick people and ... he was great. Great guy, great guy.

Ray: Right. And so the "time-out"-thing ... that was real?

Bob: Oh, yeah, he had powers and stuff. It was really weird, you know, and like this one time? Oh man, this one time we were breaking for lunch, and we had these caterers come in every day and bring all this really awesome food, and pretty much every day I would always get there first and eat all the good stuff and then Zack would complain about how he was the bigger star and stuff and that he should get first dibs ... and anyway, so one day they brought out the food and I made this really big sandwich and it was pastrami, which was Zack Morris' favorite, and so right before I took a bite, Zack yells out, "Time-out!" and then he switched my sandwich with a big turd! And then he called "Time-in" and I ate, uh, this really big turd. It was really, really funny! He was such a funny guy.

Ray: That's amazing. So what happened after that?

Bob: Well, Zack and Slater, they started blaming Screech...

Ray: Dustin Diamond?

Bob: Yeah, Screech, and so they blamed him and so I beat the crap out of him and wound up hurting him pretty bad and then they had to re-write the entire episode so that Screech got into a car accident and he had to wear a body cast the whole episode.

Ray: I remember that one.

Bob: Yeah, but the cast was actually real, cause I beat him up pretty bad. You know, for the turd?

Ray: How did you get into the NFL?

Bob: I got drafted by the Patriots in '79.

Ray: Oh, I see.

Bob: Yeah.

Ray: That's very brave of you.

Bob: Yeah?

Ray: Yes. A lot of men avoided the draft all together. Many of them went to Canada. Still others faked homosexuality, some even faked insanity. But, no, not you -- you took it on the chin.

Bob: What are you talking about?

Ray: Tell me, how hard did you punch Dustin Diamond? Describe it in as much detail as possible.

Bob: Well, first I punched him in his nose, and like blood and stuff was everywhere, and then I punched him in his gut, and then he started throwing up everywhere. Oh man, it was sick! And then I just, I don't know, I just kicked him a lot until he was passed out and then we went and did the next scene.

Ray: Any regrets about Saved By The Bell?

Bob: Yeah, one. I should've fought Slater.

Ray: Really?

Bob: Yeah, he's a douche. But I'm such a better actor than he is, so I don't feel too bad.

Ray: Agreed!

Bob: Oh, and I probably would've inprovised -- is that how you say it?

Ray: Improvised?

Bob: Yeah, improvised. I probably would've improvised a lot more. I'm a really good improv-er.

Ray: So I've heard.

Bob: Yeah. Most comedians are. But oh well. It was a great experience. I mean, I got to be on one of the greatest shows in television history, I starred in the made-for-tv movie Saved By The Bell: Las Vegas Wedding, and I was an analyst for the XFL for like 7 weeks. Can't beat that.

Ray: Exactly.

Bob: And I was an NFL lineman for like twelve years, too.

Ray: If you could change one thing about history, what would it be?

Bob: Anything? Any point in time, any historical event? Like JFK or Jesus or something?

Ray: Any point in time.

Bob: Hmm... I would probably go back in time and punch Dustin Diamond again. He's kind of a dick-hole.

Ray: Can't argue there! Well, anyway, Bob, I just want to say thanks for stopping by. We'd love to have you on again.

Bob: My pleasure, thanks for having me. Oh, and to all you fans out there, make sure you check out my website, it's www.BobGolic.com/. It's pretty cool. There's like pics and stuff. And make sure you grab Saved By The Bell: The College Years seasons 1-3 on DVD -- Kelly Kapowski and I did some great, great commentary on there!