America's (Homeless) Got Talent

The heartwarming story of golden-voiced hobo Ted Williams captivated a nation last week after a YouTube video of him demonstrating his vocal talents went viral. I imagine in the coming weeks hundreds of desperate talent agencies across the U.S. will look to capitalize and take to the streets, looking for the next big thing:

AGENT:  Excuse me, sir. Yes, you with the shopping cart. Can I hear your voice?

BUM: Man, you got a quarter?

AGENT: Excellent, you're signed. Let's make a fucking gold record.

Meanwhile, everyone in the world is really excited for Ted -- especially his family. Turns out ol’ Teddy Bear lost touch with/bailed on (same thing, right?) his family 23 years ago and hasn’t been around much the last two decades or so. But now he’s back, so hey -- let's make him a celebrity.  In fact, let's hire him to do Kraft Macaroni 'n Cheese commercials and offer him a job with the Cleveland Cavaliers.  Yeah!  And while we're at it, let's invite him to appear on Dr. Phil, Entertainment Tonight, and spend thousands of dollars sending him off to rehab.

And to think some people say America rewards undeserving people...