2008 NFL Season Recap ~ True Stories

Time to say farewell to the 2008 NFL Football season. And Boy George what a spectacular season it's been. So many great memories, so much excitement... so much passion. Throbbing passion…

…Like the passion Tony Kornheiser has for ruining Monday Night Football. Or the passion he has for Brett Favre. Kornheiser (aka the Woody Allen of color commentary) had a total boner for the Favre retirement/un-retirement/trade/soap opera-thing that went on early in the season. But then he couldn’t let it go. He talked about it every single Monday Night game for the rest of the year -- even if the two teams playing had no connection whatsoever to Brett “Real. Comfortable.” Favre or Aaron Rodgers or the Packers or the Jets. “Well, it’s 3 and long for the Buccaneers, Carolina has a solid lead right now, and I think the question on everyone in America’s mind is: did the Packers make the right choice? Jaws, your thoughts?” (Actually, I got a thought: SCREW YOU ESPN for letting him get away with that crap all season!)

But, seriously -- what am I getting mad for? I mean, like Brett Favre says, “Hey man, ain’t nothin’ more comfortable than some Wranglers. NOTHIN.” …or at least that’s what I pretend he’s saying when he’s wearing his Wrangler jeans and throwing fade routes to his Labradors in that commercial.

I wish I was one of Brett Favre’s friends, they're all so down to earth. And they all drive trucks. Tuff trucks. And they all wear Wrangler jeans. Real. Comfortable. Wrangler Jeans.

A lot of coaches got fired this year. The Cleveland Browns gave Romeo “Cheeseburger” Crennell the big boot (bout time). But, not to worry -- Romeo bounced back in a big way: he’s scheduled to star as “Officer Carl Winslow” in the Broadway (Ave.) Production of Family Matters: The Musical, AND he just signed on to play “Doc” in the upcoming film Punch-Out!! The Movie.

I heard he locked-it-up at the audition with his “Select-button/Stamina Technique”, but that’s just the rumor.

Also, its official: Tom Coughlin is the ‘GODDAMMIT!’ Coach from Not Another Teen Movie.

In other news, the Lions went 0-16… and I blame this picture:

Doesn’t get much gayer than that.

Plaxico Burress shot himself while wearing these sweatpants at a titty-bar. Yeah I know. Sweatpants at a titty bar -- no class.

Braylon Edwards was there to drop the ball in New York City for New Year’s Eve this year, just like he did the entire 2008 season. (c'mon, 137 drops dude? Nobody cares you played at Michigan, either -- just catch the rock)

3, 2, 1 ... Happy New Year!

Damn look how swole Ed Hochuli is. Does he get tested for HGH? If his balls aren’t shrinking, his brain sure is because this blown call right HERE is definitely going on The Refs “Greatest Hits/Worst Calls in History” album, once it comes out. Two-disc set.

Brady Quinn: 8 endorsements this year, played about 10 quarters of football. When he broke his finger, I can’t help but wonder if he said, “NOW I’M DONE” like in his bro-drink commercial:

Another favorite theme of mine this year? The hot new look for field goal kickers and holders. Check out the Timex IndiGlo/wedding band combination.

This guy was grillin’ Brats and rockin a polo shirt from Kohl’s literally 4 minutes before this play started. Oh and the kicker missed. I guess that’s IndiGlo for ya!

Another great Kicker moment from this year was “Monday Night Jihad” – a story penned by Atlanta Falcons Kicker Jason Elam. Check out this description:

After a tour of duty in Afghanistan, Riley Covington is living his dream as a professional linebacker when he comes face-to-face with a radical terrorist group on his own home turf. Drawn into the nightmare around him, Riley returns to his former life as a member of a special ops team that crosses oceans in an attempt to stop the escalating attacks. But time is running out, and it soon becomes apparent that the terrorists are on the verge of achieving their goal: to strike at the very heart of America.

All it’s missing is Trey Parker and Matt Stone screaming “FUCK YEAH!!!” on that last ‘America.’